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Christmas Card From Belize

James F. Cavanaugh - Clann Chief Herald


Christmas lights are plentiful here, but you wont find any of those mangy jackasses looking over a stall to see what a white baby is doing in his feed trough. Everyone in this part of the world knows that Jesus was a Semite, meaning his skin had to be at least a dark shade of brown… maybe even black, so even if they did have the USDA approved standard wisdom Nativity scene here, the Kid “wan no lok gringo. He gon lok healthy, Mon.” Like good brown skin, but blue eyes are alright. One of the students has a Garifuna1 grandmother with grey eyes, and her great granddaddy was Irish before they were run out of the West Indies after the slave revolt. So grey or blue eyes happen, Mon.

My high school class didn’t understand this Jesus-in-a-barn-bit at all, so I set them to work researching the nativity scene. IT DOESN’T EXIST! Were they surprised? “No Mon, kings don borned in stables.” The Book says that Jesus was placed in a feed box cradle when he was born, a common practice, but the feed box was as close as he got to a stables. And Jesus was King of the Jews, right? And kings are rich people, and rich people don’t have to sleep in the barn, they can afford to rent a room with private bath and the like. Nah, Mon, the Gringos got that nativity thing all wrong.

After a lot of discussion, it was decided that to let this news out could put a dent in the fraudulent multi-billion dollar nativity scene business. Worse yet, all the kiddos who traditionally play a sheep, goat, pig or jackass in the barn scenes would lose their jobs and be real sad. This could cause a serious Christmas time depression and tourists would quit coming to Belize. Einstein was right: All things are relative. So maybe we just keep this to ourselves, and wish everybody a Merry Christmas.

Jim Cavanaugh

1 Garifuna's are descendents of Caribbean slaves who mixed with the Caribbe and Arawak Indians